Nate's birthday is a week from tomorrow. Lots of reflecting this time of year. Lots and lots.
The time we had with him. Imagining what type of child he would be. Thinking about how we got ripped off here on Earth getting to love him...and having him love us back -sigh!
It's more internal these days. Not too many tears fall. I just process it on the inside. My brain and my heart attempting to meet and make sense of something that just doesn't make sense.
As we prepare to celebrate his birth (a monumental day in our lives that will ALWAYS be celebrated) we still do not have a plan for the day.
Of course it would be easier if we had a plan. It's easier when you have a plan.
But we don't. So the uncertainty leads us down a stressful path.
Honestly, I'm not surprised. Very few things in my life have been easy. And I'm still here. I keep getting knocked down...but I always get back up. It's not my job to understand why. It's just my job to keep getting back up and becoming a better person every time I do.
My sweet pediatrician sent me this a few months ago as we received some scary test results:
"... I AM NOT SURE WHY THE LORD CHOOSES TO TEST SOME PEOPLE
MORE THAN OTHERS. BUT AS ALWAYS, I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND I AM ALWAYS
THERE FOR YOU (AS YOU KNOW)."
We will figure it out. We will survive. It's just easier when you have a plan...
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