GODincidence

I was inspired to write this post from Debby's post last week on on the same subject.  Sometimes I wonder if God is listening.  He has been pretty quiet in my life lately.  At a time when I have begged Him to be loud.  But last Saturday night, He showed me that He's still there.

We were at our regular bible study across the street.  Normally, our kids aren't with us.  But this was a special night where we all gathered for dinner and a movie.  The movie was on the life of Jesus.  Nothing like The Passion of the Christ.  It was pretty corny and not very well acted but a good visual nonetheless. 

As usual, I was uncomfortable watching.  The birth of baby Jesus brought memories of Nate's birth to the forefront of my mind.  I had to look away.  I couldn't stare at that sweet baby's face.  I was feeling very vulnerable...and sad.  Then, later in the film, Jesus was called to the death bed of a precious little girl.  Her parents were sobbing and begging Jesus to save her life.  Again, memories of Nate flooded my mind.  All of the times that I begged for God to save his life came rushing back again.  Not only the memories of me on the floor pleading with God but also the memories of God saying No.  I felt so rejected...again.

I looked at my husband who was sitting across the room and mouthed the words "I don't know if I can watch this".  As I did, Jesus was approaching the little girls bed from which she took her last breath from only moments before.  I knew the story and I couldn't bear to watch him heal her little body and bring her back from the dead.  I know that He did that.  I'm thrilled that He did that.  But, it's just painful for me to watch.  So I prepared to step away. 

Before I could rise off of the couch, one of my 6 year old twins came running into the room.  She had been upstairs watching a Disney movie.  I hadn't seen her for over an hour and just when I needed it, she hopped on my lap and cuddled me.  She had nothing to say.  Nothing to ask for.  She was just there.  Giving me comfort at a time when I needed it most.  I knew at that very moment that God had sent her in there for me.  That He knew that I was struggling and that He wanted to help.  It felt good.  It felt really good.

I hope and pray that God continues to show me his love through tangible ways like last weekend.  I know that He's there but I don't always feel Him.  It's so much easier to get through the tough stuff when He is holding my hand.