Brady is 25 days old today.
Nathan was 25 days old when he died.
This is a tough day for me.
Ever since Brady was born I find myself thinking "if I only knew that I would only have 20 more days...12 more days...8 more days..1 more day
I can't imagine what it would have been like if I had known that I would only have those 25 days with Nate. I felt so unprepared and caught off guard when he was taken from me. I wished that God would have told me so that I could have prepared my heart. Now I understand why He didn't.
I often look at Brady and wonder how my choices and actions would differ if I knew that I only had 25 days with him. I realized that I wouldn't want to know. I wouldn't want to face that countdown.
Today is an emotional day. The sky is gray and full of clouds -- similar to the day that Nate died. I am home all alone with no one to talk to. My mind keeps flashing back to those last moments with Nathan and the horrific details that surrounded his death.
Thanking God for sending us the gift of Brady today and trusting (at least trying really hard) that we will not have to say goodbye to him for a long, long, long time.
ps- Thanks, Ver for the adorable handknit hat. I LOVE it so much and so does Brady :)
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13 comments:
I pray that in time you will feel more at ease but I totally understand where you are coming from. It is hard to live in the fear of the unknown once you have been there. ((HUGS)) Little Brady is a beautiful blessing from God.
I owe you a long overdue email, friend. I cannot express into words how overjoyed I am for sweet Brady. And is he ever sweet. His beautiful announcement is on our bulletin board and I smile every time i look at it!!
I think of you so often!
I've been meaning to email you back but my horrible computer has been psycho lately, and the cursor just decides to move around mid typing making me crazy!!!
I can only imagine how difficult today was. I've been thinking about what you said about how we need to trust the Lord and lean on Him. So much easier said than done but I'm learning that I have to surrender everything to him so that he can work in me.
I'm so happy you finally get to hold this little guy in your and I pray that the Lord will give you peace when worry and fear starts to creep in.
Love ya and I'm so glad you like the hat!
Im so sorry this day was so hard! I get where your coming from though. THose flashbacks are the devil!! Praying for you and your sweet family always!
Sorry I have been MIA. CONGRATULATIONS, Brady is beautiful.
I can't imagine trying to get through the day with such heavy heart but I know that your faith will carry you through. Flashbacks are so so hard, I am sorry.
sending love your way!
Sending lots of love & Brady is so precious. <3
Hope that with time and as Brady grows up, you will be able to face the days with less anxiety - your emotions are fully understandable, and you have to let them flow, it will hopefully free you. Enjoy your beautiful family !
♥ sending love and thanking God too for the wonderful gift He has given
What a beautiful baby! Holding you in my heart...always! xoxo
I am so happy for you and your family!!! Thank you for the photos! Continuing in prayer for you!
He is precious! I just came across your blog today. Thank you for sharing your experience. I have a close friend whos 20 month old son passed in the midst of surgery to "fix" his heart just 6 short months ago. She found out shortly after he passed that she is expecting another baby... a boy. While I know she is glad to have this addition in her life, I also know from the things she has shared that the stress and emotions are overwhelming to her right now. Your words help me to better understand what may hit her and how strongly. Thank you for sharing your story, and congratulations on your beautiful new additionQ
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