memories & a smiley rainbow

I am one of those people that remembers almost everything.  Not like the people on Jeopardy.  Rather, through my own experiences.  When BIG events (not normal days) happen in my life, good or bad, they form the type of impression in my brain that is not easily forgotten.

My husband always jokes about how I remember EVERYTHING but a few months ago we watched a show about Mary Lou Henner and he said "That's why you are having such a hard time with Nate's death.  You remember every detail about it and you can still feel the emotions that were related to each memory". 

YUP!

I think that's it.  

I remember most of the details of each of those 25 days.  Most of the days I remember what I wore, what I ate, what nurses were there and what was on TV.  Most of all, I can still feel the emotions of staring at the numbers on the monitors, watching them cut and poke my sweet baby and the joy of the "good" days when I got to hold him and kiss him.  I remember almost everything.

This year is especially tough.  The days match up exactly as they did back in 2008.  He was born on a Wednesday...had heard surgery on a Monday (yesterday I kept reliving this one)...died on a Sunday (not looking forward to the 30th).  It definitely makes it a little tougher when the days line up exactly.  My mind just "goes there" and am constantly fighting to bring it back.

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On a brighter note, I wanted to share a special moment I had with my oldest son last Friday.  He was in the backyard shooting baskets and I was in the kitchen making dinner.  It went something like this:

N:        Hey Mom, did it rain today?

Me:      Nope.  It hasn't rained for 5 days.

N:        Doesn't it have to rain to make a rainbow?

Me:      Yep!

N:        Well then why is there a rainbow?

Me:      Dude, there's no rainbows today.  It's all blue sky.

N:       Yes there is.

Me:     There's no chance of a rainbow today.  

N:       Well it's right there.

Me:     Let me see.

I stepped outside and was completely shocked to see this:

Do you see it?  
It's like a smile directly over our house.
  
I took this picture with my phone.  I tried to get my camera to take a better one but it was gone as soon as I took this pic.


For me, it was a sweet sign from Nate, or God, or both.  It was like a hug from the inside out.  I miss him every day.  I wish that he was here.  But I know he's okay.