This day...

Four years ago fear filled my heart.

Months of sleepless nights, anxiety ridden days.

Naivety far gone.  Reality consumed me.

There was no safety. 

One tragedy didn't guarantee me escape from another.

Grief circles connected me with other Angel Mommies.

Those same circles exposed me to the dangers of this earth.

Babies die.  Children die.

Unexpected, untimely, unbelievable tragedy's occur.

To good Mommies.  Everyday.

Faith was shattered and not yet rebuilt

Hope was abundant but admittedly undeserving.

As labor ensued memories of my last birth flashed repeatedly.

Could I possibly go through this again?

Would God ask me to?

The long awaited answer was moments away.

Normalcy filled the floor.  New life was an everyday occurrence.

Fear and anxiety prevented me from anything normal.

Terrified wouldn't suffice to define it.

Then God met me.

He knew that I needed a rainbow.

He knew that it was still raining but He brought out the sunshine.

The Mommy who once felt abandoned, heartbroken and unworthy

was given the most treasured of blessings.

New life.  Healthy life.

In the darkest of night.

As the rest of the world slept.

He was our little secret.

Those first hours of darkness healed years of wounds.

A bond was reunited.

Thousands of prayers denied.

One prayer answered.

Happy 4th Birthday Brady Ryan.

That night changed everything!

Also remembering Preslee and Kevin today.  

Two sweet angels that also share his birthday.