the 8th time we've had to do March...

I haven't been here in a while.  I think about posting...a lot.  But then life gets in the way.  A few moments alone with my thoughts and my computer don't often happen.  Raising 5 kids requires more energy then I ever thought possible.  Raising 5 kids "well" requires more effort than I realized.

Staying on top of homework, activities, sports practices, games, competitions, races, celebrations, holidays not to mention the daily cooking, cleaning, shopping and laundry that a family of 7 requires consumes my life.  Completely.

This time of year my grief also tries to consume me.  I'm getting much better at controlling it but Nate's birthday is Saturday.  There are so many other Angel moms that write blogs and books and post on social media that handle it better than me.  I constantly find myself comparing my grief to theirs.  Many of them just seem to have so much more faith than I do.  I think that my relationship with God is pretty solid but then I find myself questioning, doubting, and lacking the joy that I see other Angel mamma's have.  Why must I compare?

This week will be tough...it always is.  As my kids grow older, the physical absence of their brother becomes more apparent.  They are better at verbalizing their emotions and they feel ripped off that he is not apart of their life.  March is just always a reminder of what is missing from our family.

However, it appears that once again, God has pulled it together for us to celebrate Nate's bday at Disneyland!  The same kind people that used their employee perks to sign us in last year have once again offered to do it.  Total God thing.  I am so grateful that we don't have to stress about it this year.  It takes so much pressure off to know that we will have a good family day and being at the happiest place on earth is the best distraction from grief that I know of.

So on this bonus day of February I will prepare my heart for the month ahead.  Prayers appreciated ...also for health...the littlest has a fever and I'm praying that the sickness bug doesn't spread throughout our house this week.  Our sports,school/church schedule is maxed out for the next 6 days!  I don't have time for sickness...I can schedule that in for next week - ha!