touched

My heart was touched last week in a way that is hard to describe and I just had to share. 

A week ago, my kids were on break and I took them to Disneyland for the day.  My twins gymnastics coach also coordinates the parade at California Adventure Park.  She asked us to meet up with her just before the parade started.  As she welcomed all of my kids, she handed each of them a special Mickey ears hat.  But these weren't just regular hats.  She had each of the characters in the parade autograph them which made them extra special.  My kids were absolutely thrilled as she handed one to each of them. 

Then...something remarkable happened.  Something that I would have never imagined in my wildest dreams.  With a smile on her face, she turned to me and looked me directly in the eyes (something few people do -- especially under these circumstances).  While our eyes were connected, and with a smile on her face, she handed me the 5th hat from her hand.  As she handed it to me she said... "for Nate". 

I couldn't believe it.  That was the first time that someone had acknowledged Nate as BEING one of my 5 kids.  That was the first time that someone had given a gift TO him.  That was the first time that I really felt like someone recognized my son as being a "part" of our family (not part of our past).

As I looked at the hat, I noticed that it was from their "Year of a Million Dreams" promotion 2 years ago.  They were probably overstock that she found in a store room.  But, I don't believe that she found them on accident.  First of all, the background of the hat is blue sky which is meaningful to me.  Second, there are white clouds over the blue sky which is where my kids point to when they talk of their brother being in Heaven.  And finally, I turned the hat around and noticed the date:

2008 = Two Thousand andNate

I didn't have the words to tell her what her small gesture meant to me.  I tried to thank her but I was completely caught off guard.  She barely even knows our family and only knows Nate's basic story.  I was shocked that she would do something like this.  That she would touch my heart in such a profound way.

Before the parade started, she walked me and the kids over to a special viewing area where all of the parade characters gave us special attention as they passed by.  It was an experience that my kids will never forget and it was a gesture that I will never forget.

Going forward I don't expect people to treat Nate in the same way as my other kids.  I know that there is a difference and it would be awkward for people to start buying him gifts.  But for this moment, I felt honored to be the mother of 5.  For this moment, it didn't feel like someone was missing.  For this moment, my heart felt complete.  I can't imagine that there will ever be another gesture that touches my heart in such a deep and profound way.  Ever.