The Christmas season has once again arrived. I was surprised that it kinda snuck up on me this year. I wasn't dreading it like I have the past two years. Rather than trying to survive the month of December, I am choosing to celebrate it. And it's not requiring a lot of effort to do that this year. After years of praying for strength, I feel noticeably stronger and more resilient. A good confirmation that I am healing.
Our grief counselor asked us what our plans were for celebrating Christmas with family this year. The truth is, we don't really have any. Christmas is next week and we have yet to be invited to a family event. It's likely that we will eventually be invited but I doubt that they expect us to come. We would like to make an appearance if it works with our plans. But neither of us want to spend any significant amount of time with family.
Hopefully, if we attend, we will be able to escape criticism for the day. Family always finds a way to attack us or blame us for their failures to help after Nate died. We are pretty much viewed as the bad guys now. Strange that our son died and we are the bad guys, but I completely understand why. We haven't been attending family events for the past 2 1/2 years. When someone is absent or not conforming to "the norm" it's easy to view them as the problem. Weird...but so very true in this situation. There's even a scripture about people who point out the specks in the eyes of others while avoiding the plank that they have in their own.
It used to hurt. A lot. We can laugh about it now. The truth is...they are just as broken as we are. The difference is...we KNOW that we're broken. And, most importantly, I know that God will explain it all to them someday. I don't need to.
WEDNESDAY HODGEPODGE #663
2 days ago
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9 comments:
Glad to hear that things are getting a little easier this holiday season. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and can enjoy a peaceful holiday with your sweet family!
It's almost 1 a.m. and I've been working on a Bible study for tomorrow morning - also have to get up early in the morning and make soup for the lunch we're having afterwards. Haven't decorated because my Mom, sister and myself are driving up to PA next week to spend Christmas with one of my daughters. Kinda wish I had decorated as I seem to be dragging my way through this Christmas. So glad to read how this year's Christmas is going for you - I pray God continues to wrap His loving and comforting arms around you.
Beautiful post. I am so happy that you have come this far and know exactly where you stand.
I agree, they were broken too but in a totally different way then you. It would be wonderful if you could join them and have a nice time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS))
This post is like a big huge EXHALE. Not like something is finished, but like you got over a big hill on your jog. THinking about you a lot...sending you and your family best wishes this holiday and much much happiness.
xo
I hope to be at a place like this on my journey. I know I can't rush things. So happy that you are enjoying as best as you can this holiday season. Your family will one day see, but until then it's not your place to put them there. Praying for you and your family this holiday season ((HUGS)).
I think that sometimes people only focus on how they helped someone when they were down. Sometimes I feel like they want to be able to say, "I was there for you" and we didn't let them. But, this kind of loss is a personal one and people don't realize how hard it is for us. It's a lonely journey and only we know when we are ready to let others in.
I hope that your holiday continues to be a good one.
It is so wonderful to hear that you are feeling stronger and more resilient, that you are able to laugh off your family's inability to recognize their failings, that your choice to celebrate this Christmas is coming with more ease. Beautiful.
Trisha, I said the VERY same thing (on Fb) a few weeks earlier, not DREADING Christmas this year. Healing, it's a good thing. Yay, God!
I think as long as you have your hubby & kids you don't' need anybody else. I found out that a family Christmas took place a couple wks ago on my mom's side of the family and we never even knew about. No one bothered to tell us. Not like I was gonna go anyway but the thought of nobody even attempting to invite us was a little grating at first but I'm over it now.
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