Mother's Day...it's so different now

13 years ago I celebrated my first Mother's Day.  I remember being disappointed that my husband didn't buy me anything, I had to spend the day with my mother in law and I just didn't feel appreciated.  I bought into all of the commericals on TV and honestly though that I deserved those things.  The next few Mother's Days I made requests for little special gifts and made an effort to plan the day myself so that I could ensure a good day...and most of them were.  But those days it was about the stuff.  I was caught up in the commercialism of it all.

4 years ago, Mother's Day was miserable.  Nate had just died and no one acknowledged the day.  Not a card.  Not a phone call.  Nothing.  There was so "stuff" that could have made it better.  I needed love, comfort and support.  Actually, I needed to be carried.  My mom and my mother in law celebrated their day with others while I simply just tried to survive.  It was hard.  It was not a good day.

Since then, I made some changes.  I decided that I am no longer going to share Mother's Day with anyone and I decided that I wasn't interested in the "stuff" anymore.  For years I worried about making the day special for others but when I was drowning...nobody cared enough to do that for me.  So, we now get together with my mom and my mother in law the day before or the weekend after.  But Mother's Day is reserved for me. 
Just.  For.  Me.

It's been bittersweet but each year is a little less bitter and a little more sweet.  We have been spending the day as a family and I have found that the most precious gifts are the ones that don't have price tags attached.  This year I have a 6th reason to celebrate Mother's Day and I am not taking that for granted for one second.  I know how lucky I am and I am looking forward to a fun park day/picnic - just the 7 of us.

Yet, Mother's Day is no longer the same.  I can't help but think of all of the Mama's out there that are celebrating Mother's Day this year without one of their children.  I can't help but think of all of the Mama's that are hurting and just trying to survive what can be a truly miserable day.

I think of the Mommy from our church that comforted me after Nate died and has recently had to bury her 2nd child.  I think of the Principal of my daughter's school whose 31 year old daughter died a few weeks ago while giving birth to her son.  I think of all of my blogger friends whose Mother's Days will never, ever be the same again.

It's not fair.  I know that for certain. 

So, this year I will savor the day and be grateful for every waking moment that I get to be a Mommy to these sweet kids:

And I will look forward to the day that I can be a Mommy to this one.

Hugs to all of you Mama's that have to celebrate this day without one of your children.  You are on my heart and in my prayers.  Please let me know if I can do anything to help make this day a little easier.