stayin' positive

Do you believe in positive thinking?  I am becoming more and more of a fan.  It's not a natural thing for me.  I tend to focus on the worst so that anything less is easier to handle.

6 years ago when we received Nate's diagnosis I felt like I was flattened by a truck.  Some people told me to stay positive as "everything was going to be all right".  I think that I knew deep down in my soul that is wasn't going to be all right.  Honestly....I didn't think that he would die, but I thought that I was going to be facing a life that included constant doctors, hospitals, surgeries and medications.  I thought that I was going to be the Mommy of a sick child.  Staying positive was hard.  That wasn't the life that I wanted.

After Nate died, it seemed like we were constantly under attack.  My husband had a bunch of serious medical issues, his Dad died, my Dad died.  I was miserable.  I worked so hard to find Joy in my life and fought the fight to think positively.  Most days I failed.

Brady turned it all around.  Brady was our rainbow that brought the sunshine back.  He was my gift from God telling me that it was going to be okay.  Life was going to be okay.  I still struggled with fear that something would happen to him (and never let him out of my sight) but I did feel a sense of relief.

Lately, I'm feeling tested again.  We have had a couple of pretty major medical scares with our kids and I was tempted to walk down that path of "hope for the best but prepare for the worst".   Most days, I didn't.  I made a choice to not get upset (although I did have some sleepless nights) until I knew for sure what we were dealing with.  And...it turned out in both cases that everything seems to be okay. 

In 2008, our economy crashed.  People were hurting financially.  I was devastated emotionally.  I couldn't relate.  I remember hearing people complain about losing their jobs and their houses and I just thought "I wish I had THAT problem".  I remember yelling at God and asking Him why he had to take my son instead of my house.  I promised myself on more than one occasion that I would never get upset about finances.

Well, I was wrong.  Lately I have been stressing about finances.  Four of our kids are doing high level competitive sports.  It's expensive.  I mean the equivalent of a mortgage payment expensive.  And we need to re-pipe our house, major appliances are about to go out, my 10 year old car is on it's last leg.  It's minor stuff.  I know.  I'm not living on the streets or anything.  But we have always lived within our means and right now that's getting tough.  

If God is testing me with this stuff I want to pass.  I want to pass with flying colors!  I want to be the type of person that doesn't get knocked down by life.  The kind that always thinks positively.  You know the people I'm talking about.  I want to be one of THOSE!!!!!

The glass is half FULL, Trisha.  The glass is half FULL!!!!!