doin' our thing...

The time has come.  Once again, it's March.   
Nate's Month - always and forever!

Grief is always heavier this month.  I refuse to allow it to keep me down but its tries.  It tries hard.  So...we do our thing.  We put Nate's wreath up on the door and we plan his birthday.  I have noticed that many other Angel Mommies don't plan birthday celebrations.  I'm not so sure if this is something that I am supposed to do.   I just know that it's something that I WANT to do.  We make a big deal about every other one of our children's birthdays.  It just seems right to make a big deal out of his.

So, yesterday we headed out to the party store.  There is always much thought into what "theme" we should do.  The kids always try to think what character he would be most into.  Seven was tough.  We struggled to figure out what he would be into at SEVEN.  We settled on Olaf.  Since we were going to Disneyland...and because we have already done most of the other Disney characters.  So...Olaf it will be.

I am preparing my heart for joy this Thursday.  I always allow Satan to bring me down by people not remembering Nate's birthday.  That's on me.  Working hard on that one.  This week also typically brings a bunch of chaos.  It just rarely goes smoothly.  There is always some sort of emotional or physical conflict.  This year, my daughter's high school soccer awards night is on Nate's birthday.  The one and only day of the year that we are unavailable.  Of course!  So...she will miss her recognition night.  That makes me sad. 

I know that God has a plan for us.  And I know that He knows how important March 5th is for us.  Trusting Him to take care of us... this week especially.

sometimes...

you meet a complete stranger.  
Someone that offers a gesture that comforts your heart.  
At a time that your heart is hurting....aching.
A gesture that must have come directly from God.
There is no other explanation.
Especially when I learn that she too has experienced a similar loss.
A special RAINBOW connects us. 
A faithful God continues to carry me through...

I think we are going to be able to celebrate Nate's birthday at Disney this year (it's never a done deal until we are inside the park but it looks promising).  The funny thing is...I really didn't even stress about it.  Instead, I tried something new and just embraced my Faith.  He's always found a way in the past to make it happen.  He did it again.

When the time comes to change our tradition, I trust that He will make that transition okay as well.  Just thankful it isn't this year.  It's just so much easier to spend Nate's birthday at The Happiest Place On Earth!   A sad day...turned into joy!   

Thank you Disney for hiring amazing people that make our dreams come true.

I can't say it anymore...

Nate's birthday is just around the corner.  The grief bug always bites this time of year as I am reminded of his physical presence here on earth and am denied the joy of celebrating his birthday with him.  But over the years I have been getting better at managing my grief while at the same time not denying it.

Things are changing...I've been having good luck lately and wanted to share.  Last year (and most of this year) I have been calling into our local radio station trying to win Disney tickets (we always go to Disneyland to celebrate Nate's birthday).  I NEVER win.  But a couple of weeks ago, I won tickets to another local theme park! 


iHeartMedia LA Prize Pickup Info - MY FM 104.3 - Knott's Berry Farm

 
Woo Hoo!  I called and emailed...and begged them to switch the tickets to Disney tickets but of course there is some lame law that requires the tickets to be non-transferable (NOT COOL).  But...we will get to take the kiddos to a super fun amusement park during Spring Break this year - YAY!



Then...Yesterday, I got this notification from one of my most favorite fellow Angel Mama's (Brady shares the same birthday and her sweet Preslee):

Winner!

Ashley Sullenger at The Sullengers

The winner of the Disney gift card is Trisha Larson! Congratulations! Be on the lookout for an e-mail :)


I won a $40 Disney gift card!  

I'm so excited!  Sometimes the little things are the BIG things.  I need to stop worrying and start trusting...MORE!


Maybe I should go to Vegas?  Or at least buy a lottery ticket?  Now I can't say I never win anymore!!!

2015

A new beginning.  A fresh start.  Scary...  Exciting... 

I never thought much about the new year before 2008.  I just assumed that all years would be similar.  Now I know that some will be amazing, some will be tragic and some will just be boring.  Hoping for amazing... praying against tragic... and more than happy to settle with boring.

Happy 2015!
 

Wishing you...

A Beautiful Christmas!

Making a point to enjoy the love, chaos, fun, stress, laughter, grief & PEACE.  Christmas 2014 will never happen again so I'm savoring every moment.  This day is even more important to me in recent years.  It is because of Jesus that I will get to see Nate again.  

I'm so exhausted from everything that is "Christmas".  Looking forward to the 26th - one of my new favorite days of the year!

celebrating...3!

Happy 3rd Birthday sweet Brady Ryan!

Three years ago you brought the sunshine back into our lives and continue to shine your rainbow each and everyday.  You are wise beyond your years.  Last week both your Pediatrician and a speech therapist told us that your vocabulary and communication skills are those of a 1st grader.  That melted my heart because your sweet brother, Nate would have been in the first grade this year.   God is giving us a little piece of him through you (sigh).  We can't imagine life without you and hope that we never have to.

You'll NEVER guess what my daughter asked Santa for...

Seriously...could I get a better gift than this?  I don't think so.  Taking a moment out of my insanely busy life to be grateful for what I have and treasure this moment.  This was the ONLY thing she asked for this year!

PS-  Don't tell her I peeked!