Sometimes, blog world is really one of the only places that I feel "understood". It's a unique bubble of sorts where I am able to connect with other moms like myself. Moms that have buried children. Moms who were abandoned by friends and family. Moms that struggle between "what was" and "what is".
Oftentimes, I have thought about how much of a relief it would be to be able to actually live in this bubble. I mean if the people in this bubble were my neighbors, family and friends. What would it look like if it was the norm to bury a child? What would it be like if everyone knew what it felt like to grieve?
Last week, my husband was having lunch with some old grad school friends. At one point, the conversation turned to a man and he was asked about his family. He explained that he had 9 brothers and sisters but only 8 were living. He spoke about it matter-of-factly when he explained that one of his brothers had died as a child. When my husband inquired more about it, he was told that this was the "norm" where he grew up. Evidently, he was born and raised in Vietnam. Where he grew up, almost every family buried a child at some point. It was a rare exception for a family not to.
This got me thinking. I have heard the statistics in Africa. I know that children die. I know that mothers weep. I know that I am not alone. It's just that I still find it strange that in this day and age, many Americans don't know how to relate to a mom that has done the unspeakable. I don't know if I will ever really fit in here. I don't know if I even want to. I just wonder what it would be like to live in a community of people that GET IT. I wonder.
WEDNESDAY HODGEPODGE #663
2 days ago
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14 comments:
What a thought provoking post. I've not been through loosing a child. I've just connected with friends online who have, mamas whom I've never even met. As another blogger called it "brokenhearted Love". I spill that regulary for mamas who's babies are not in arms, in my prayers and on my blog. And even on this side, people IRL don't understand why I do. To them it's a moment of sadness then life moves on. Not to me. I carry a part of each mama's brokenheart with me for a long while...some I think I will carry for years... a few I know I'll carry forever. Of course no mom would wish any more moms to loose babies, but I do wish you could experience that type of connection IRL, to be who you are now.
I wonder too... xo
Wow, you really got me thinking on this one. That is so true, I wonder what it would be like? It's not that I want this to happen to other's but the idea of being understood is what I would like. Thinking of you and sending you big ((hugs)).
You make me wonder too. I imagine you wouldn't have to tip toe with words. You'd be able to speak honestly without people judging you or trying to make you 'all better'. It certainly would be nice to experience that.
If there were such a neighborhood, that's where I would want to be. It's sadly true with grief that you don't quite fit in with most people. I am most comfortable with other people who know deep pain and those rare few that truly reach out and to try to understand our deep pain.
Wow, I do wonder. What a great place of comfort it would be...and yet, what a horrible tragic place...
What a great post Trisha. I wonder what that would be like - to live in an area when so many around you just "get it". I think it would be very refreshing in a sense - not thinking twice when you want to talk about your child in heaven and not having to give excuses when you dont feel up to something.
I hope your doing well. I have been thinking of you!!
We're suppose to be a community - where ever we are - showing compassion towards each other without any time limits - ministering where we need to minister and letting ourselves be ministered to so some healing can take place. Today would have been my 42nd wedding anniversary. My husband died 6 yrs. ago and no one mentioned it to me today - none of my children or my mother or any other family member - after all - it has been six years. . .
I love how blogging gives us the opportunity to be open and honest and people can see our hearts and offer support exact where we're at.
Although I don't know what it's like to lose a child, I can say that I've learned so much about the do's and don'ts of being supportive. That has been a huge help to me.
I have often thought the exact same thing, for me having 2 newborns die from different causes and 2 miscarriages. That's four children. No one seems to get it, even people who have lost one child. The unspeakable happened to me, no only one time. As a result, all friends except one, were also lost. And my family, both sides don't know what to do with me and my husband. So it's a lonely road. When I watch programs from 3rd world countries, and how many loved ones they have buried, I have often thought how my family would really fit in over there. I appreciate what I have here materially, but having a lack of love and support in grief is not what I call a great life either.
I have thought the same thing! I too wish that we could all be around each other in person, how much easier would our daily lives be?!
I would love to live in a world like that. Granted I wouldn't wish burying a child on anyone, but it would be so nice to constantly have people "Get me" and be able to comfortably talk about Wyatt when I need to instead of bottling it up like I feel like I have to so often. I mean, Wyatt's first birthday is in a week and I'm planning a party for him... every step of the planning process I find myself wondering "Well, is it going to be okay to do this or this? Will it make people too uncomfortable if I say this or that?". It's exhausting! I'm all for getting all my bloggy friends together and just moving into a special neighborhood together! That would be so nice :)
I wonder too. That's a garet post! Couldn't have said it better myself. XO
It is something I've wondered about quite recently. Living in a bubble would be nice.
love and prayers
elena
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