mother's day

I have said it before and I will say it again.  Holiday's are always tough when you have a child that lives in Heaven.  There is always a hole...someone is always missing.

I remember Mother's Day 2 years ago.  It was about 6 weeks after Nate died.  As I approached that day, I was hoping that I would receive an outpouring of love from family and friends.  I felt that I had done the hardest thing that any "mother" could ever do.  I buried a child.  Surely, that would be recognized.  Surely people would treat me like a war hero returning from battle.  Broken and damaged but honored nonetheless.

I wasn't.

There were no cards. 

There were no phone calls. 

There were no emails. 

The day went by...unnoticed.


As I sit here 2 years later, I am in a different place.  I don't expect things from people anymore.  I don't need things from people anymore.  But it is still a bittersweet day.  I celebrate with the children I have with me and I am saddened by the child that is not.

I was watching ELLEN this week and they have been promoting their Mother's Day show.  It's a day where new mommies are honored and celebrated.  They absolutely deserve everything that they receive.  Being a new mommy is a wonderful thing. 

But I know the other side to that. 

I know that there are women out there that are celebrating their first Mother's Day alone.  Foregoing all of the strollers and baby toys and gift cards...I know that the only thing that they would want is to hold their baby on Mother's Day.  There are no Mother's Day cards when your child lives in Heaven.

My experience has caused me to look at things in different ways.  It's sad that I lost that innocence.  But it's good that I see reality.  Mother's Day is not always a happy day.  For some, it's the hardest day of the year.  Most people have no idea.  They plan their brunches and buy their flowers.  They don't see the other side.  Now I have a better perspective.  I see both sides!


So to all of my mommy friends:

I wish you a Happy Mother's Day.  Whether your child is here on earth or up in Heaven -- I honor you!  You are NOT unnoticed and your child has NOT been forgotten.  You are a "Mother" and you deserve to be blessed on this day.