Dedicating a R A I N B O W

 

 

In August, we dedicated our sweet rainbow. 

I've  been wanting to post about it but just haven't had the time so today is the day.  Since it's Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, I am going to be posting more often in October.

Dedicating Brady brought upon a tremendous amount of anxiety for me.  From the moment he was born, I had been struggling with how to dedicate him.  In the past, with the first 4 kids, we didn't think twice about it.  We dedicated them at church during the first 6 months of their life.  We made it a huge celebration but we also used it as an invitation for our non-Christian friends to come to church with us. We stood in front of our congregation and we promised to raise each of our kids in accordance with God's plan.  Then, we had a big party for each of them which included lunch for 50-75 people.  Life was good back then.

Then Nathan changed everything.  We never got the opportunity to bring Nathan in front of our congregation.  We never got the opportunity to introduce Nathan to most of our family and friends (only a handful of people ever met him in the hospital).  Instead, we held his lifeless body up in that cold, sterile hospital room as we sat there with our Pastor just moments after his death.  Together, the three of us dedicated his life (all 25 days) to God.  It sucked.  It was not a celebration.  There was no lunch following.  There was no party.

We didn't know how to dedicate Brady.  We weren't comfortable doing a public service in front of our congregation.  We don't have any of the same friends as we did before.  Our family relationships are strained at best.  As I have said before, Nathan changed everything.

One day in July I was sitting in church.  Tears filled my eyes as I prayed to God to help us figure out the proper way to dedicate Brady.  He answered.  Suddenly, I knew the perfect way to do it.  A way to thank God, celebrate Brady, remember Nathan and not leave me anxiety filled.  God truly answered my prayer that day.

We decided to dedicate him down by the beach (just 20 minutes from our house) and one of my most favorite places on Earth (isn't it beautiful).  We limited the invitations.  Only a few select family members and two friends that helped us walk the grief path.  It was very small. 

We met our Pastor there just before sunset and together we dedicated Brady - just the 7 of us.  I needed that private time.  That was for us.  Just for us.  We held him tight and I wept.  I didn't want to share that intimate moment with others.  I will savor his dedication for ever.  It was perfect.

Then at Sunset, the others arrived.  Our Pastor did a formal dedication for them.  In that moment our Pastor shared scripture about how God used the Rainbow as a covenant with his people.   But then he said something that I had not previously realized.  He said:

"In order for a Rainbow to appear, there has to be two things:  Sunshine AND Rain.  The rainbow doesn't appear when the storm is over.  It appears when there is still rain."

He further explained that it's still raining.  Our storm isn't over.  It's true.  Our storm has lessened and the winds have calmed but there will always be rain.  Nathan's death changed everything. 

His dedication day turned out to be perfect.  I brought a cake and some decorations down to the beach to make it more of a party.  The kids wanted so badly to have a baby shower for him but we didn't.  So I let them pick out some stuff at the party store.  Poor Brady's baby book has a lot of empty pages (Baby Shower's & Welcome Parties).  I hope that someday he understands.  Life is just very different now.