"Can I ask you a question?"

"Can I ask you a question?" they said in the middle of a chaotic scene as we attempted to make our exit from a family Christmas gathering.    I smiled awkwardly pretending that I misunderstood their question, said "Merry Christmas" and slowly backed away with the hope of avoiding any and all conversation with this person. 

They leaned in closer, squeezing their body in between the dozen or so family members that were crowding in to make contact before our escape and a large pillar that stood in the middle of the room.  "Can I ask you a question?" they repeated more loudly and forcefully than before.  A quick look around found that my husband although nearby (an agreement that we made prior to our brief appearance at a family Christmas event) was distracted by conversations of other family members and in no way was able to offer protection.  I smiled more awkwardly than the first time and said "sure" as I couldn't think of any other way out...

"I want you to consider you letting me take you to lunch sometime so that you can explain to me what I could have possibly done to offend you so deeply". 

Huh?  Seriously?  (thoughts in my head...not spoken out loud)

"Think about it.  I would really like to know what I could have possibly done to offend you so deeply".

"Okay", I replied with a befuddled look upon my face as I proceeded directly to the door without stopping.

I don't get it.  I still don't get it.  I tried to do a good thing.  For the first time since Nate died, we made an appearance at a "family Christmas celebration".  I kept to myself with Brady in my arms.  I hung out with the kids (both mine and others) and avoided most adult interaction.  When approached I politely smiled and engaged enough to pass but not too much to divulge anything deep or meaningful.  I was trying to allow my husband to see his family, let my kids meet some family members that they have never seen (or at least don't remember seeing) while protecting myself from people that might say something hurtful albeit intentional or not.

I didn't hurt anybody. 
I didn't do anything to cause anyone harm. 
I spent most of the 52 minute stay just standing around observing and not bothering anyone. 

Why does someone have to say something so confrontational to me?  If they have a problem why don't they say it to my husband? 

Why do they have to single me out as the bad guy purposely catching me alone while my husband was pre-occupied?

By the way...just for the record.  That person didn't "offend" me.  They happen to serve in high capacity at church, work as a chaplain, and even wrote a book on grieving.  Despite that requisite, they said hurtful things and criticized our grieving after Nate died.  My husband and I were both shocked at their lack of compassion back then.  It caused a few tears but I'm over it.  We're over it.  I wasn't "offended" by them.  It's just clear that they don't get it and will never get it.  Nothing that I could ever say would change that.  So, I  don't want to put myself in the position again where they would say something else that was hurtful or judgemental.  Especially on my very first appearance at a "family Christmas".  I just wanted to survive and get out as soon as possible. 


Didn't work. 

I was hurt. 

My behavior was judged. 

Tears fell.

Merry Christmas dear in laws...can't wait to do it again.