It's official...he is swimming!

I'm not sure why this is so important to me.  Probably because the #1 cause of death for children under 4 is drowning.  I have already walked this path.  I DO NOT want to walk it again.

Paranoid...a little.  Overprotective...a lot!

I feel so much more vulnerable with him.  Before Nate, I knew that bad things could happen but now I KNOW that bad things DO HAPPEN.  

I'm scared.  A lot!

So this Summer I was hopeful that I could teach him to swim.  Not so he could have fun.  So he could live to be 3.  No budget for swimming lessons this year.  But, I watched many a swimming lesson with my other 4.   I was fairly confident that I could teach him.

It helped that he LOVES the water.  No fear at all (another reason that I wanted him to swim).

So now at 2 1/2, Brady can officially swim!

In no way is he water safe!  In fact, he is overly confident and thinks that he can swim across the pool...he's not even close.  I can't take my eyes off him for a second.  In fact, I tell my other kids not to talk to me when I am in the water with Brady because I need to focus on keeping him safe and I know that it only takes a second... 

my highlight reel?

Last weekend at church the message was about our highlight reels.  How we, as a society, tend to only share the highlights of our life with most people and purposely leave out the dysfunction reality.  Evidently this is especially true on social media.   
Amazing pictures = amazing life!?!

I feel like the opposite of that.  I feel like what I share on social media is complete dysfunction.  My sorrow, my anxiety, my fears, my sadness, my loneliness.    Not exactly my highlight reel.

Here's some insight into my latest highlight reel - or not...

I have been complaining all Summer about only having one car (my 10 year old suburban bit the dust almost two months ago).   So we have been sharing my husbands minivan.  A minivan that I do not like.  A minivan that I do not feel safe in (I was in two serious car accidents before and only feel safe in big trucks).  A minivan that he promised that I would never have to drive (it was supposed to be his car).  And now guess who's spending hours a day driving kids to sports?  Oh ya...and just to let you know how much that minivan loves me driving it...broken cooling system, flat tire, new battery & broken automatic door.  It was completely FINE until I started driving it!

Four of our kids are involved in high end competitive sports.  Sports that are extremely expensive and time consuming.  So much money that we have had to change our lifestyle.  We re-worked our entire budget and many line items were removed.  Car payments were one of them.  So we are still sharing.  Committed to living within our means and committed to allowing our kids to do what they LOVE.  Even when we have to do without.

WOW that sounds like something on a highlight reel...I'm such a wonderful mother that makes sacrifices for her children.  NOT!!!  My attitude is crummy.  Ungrateful.  Needing an adjustment.  BIG TIME!  All I can think of is how I want that new Suburban.  The 2015.  The fancy one with a backup camera that we waited for years to be released but ended up being WAY over our budget.

I know that we will figure it out.  I know that God will honor our commitment to be wise with what He has given us.  I know...
 
I do have amazing highlights.  I really do.  

I do have a good life.  I am grateful.  Truly.

Highlights are just that...reality is the 24/7.

My struggles in life will never be as difficult as others.   There will always be someone worse off.  And who am I kidding...driving my husbands minivan is not really a difficulty.

Seriously...someone needs to smack me over the head!

My favorite...

JULY!

Ahhh, we finally made it to my favorite month of the year.  The 4th was super fun -- just wish that the day never had to end.  

And the rest of the month has lots more fun stuff planned:  County Fair, Vacation, more beach days afternoons, more pool days afternoons (Brady is almost swimming), and hopefully a relaxing day or two somewhere this month (crossing my fingers).

Life has continued to throw us some curve balls lately.  I don't know if it's getting older or the difficulties that I've had to face but I can see how my perspective has changed.  This type of stuff used to send me spinning....not in a good way.  I was angry, frustrated, defeated.  Now...for the most part...I can tell myself that God just has a different plan for our life.  I can look back now at the situations that had me spinning and see the path that God had laid out.  I'm know that He won't leave us now.  I know that He is working on something.  I'm really looking forward to seeing what He does.  Looking back a few years from now and seeing that clear path that is a blur right now.

Faith.

I can see mine being restored...

Summer Vacation...

two of the BEST words in the English language!!!

My twins running to my car just after the final bell.

 PURE JOY!!!

We just finished our first week of vacation.
Not relaxing...at ALL!  But...

 so glad that school is off of the schedule and we managed to squeeze in a couple of beach/pool afternoons (along with a soccer tournament and wedding anniversary).  

I have SO many things that need to get done this Summer and it's only 9 weeks this year(shortest vacation ever).  I need to be very deliberate so that my list gets checked off AND most importantly...we have some fun!

Happy early 4th of July - MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR!!!!

Summer, where are you?

Believe it or not...my kids are STILL in school!  In fact, they have 2 more days (whoever scheduled school to end on a Tuesday has lost their mind!)!!!!  Last year they were done on June 11th...

Oh how I wish that it were Summer already.  

I am so done with the chaos of school and homework.
My kids are done with the chaos of school and homework.

Can't it be Summer already?  We have got to be the only ones in the entire country that are still in school!

Summer isn't what it once was...lazy mornings, afternoons at the pool and dinner picnics at the park.  Now it ALL revolves around sports.  Sports that start at 7:30AM!!!!  And end at 8:30PM!!!!  With a few useless hours in between.  How am I supposed to get packed up and go to the beach with a window of 1pm-4pm? 

I wish all my kids coaches could coordinate the same schedules so I could have more of a Summer.  Wishful thinking...not going to happen.

Someday, I will be laying on the beach...alone...all my kids will be grown.  I will wish that the crazy Summer of 2014 was back again.  I know this is true.  So I will gladly give up my lazy mornings and relaxing days at the beach.  Instead, I will embrace the craziness of life driving kids to and from sports so they can do what they LOVE and be who they want to be.  At least there won't be any homework (except for my oldest - insert tears here).

So grateful for good health.  We had a few glitches this year but as of now...everyone is in good health.  And...I am so grateful.  Even if the engine failed on my 10 year old Suburban last week and we had to ditch it.  How long do you think a family of 7 with 4 kids in competitive sports can get by with 1 car?   So far...8 days (eight very long days...).  I'll get back to you on that one!

Summer is almost here!!!

for some very special mama's

I thought long and hard about this post.  I struggled internally.  I teach my kids that it's not a good deed if you get credit for doing it.  You see, I do not want this post to be seen as boasting...especially by God.  What I seek it to someday stand before God, with Nate by my side and to hear Him say "Good job faithful servant".  That is what I seek.

But...God has also put it on my heart to share this post because to many, Mother's Day is about brunch and flowers and gifts.  It KNOW it used to be for me.  Maybe this post will spark someone else to do something similar...something better.

What I hope that this post will do is remind some of you that Mother's Day is not only about celebrating ourselves and our Moms.  But it's about acknowledging those moms whose children may no longer live on Earth and encouraging those moms who are in a battle to save their children's lives.  Hallmark doesn't make cards for those moms (at least that I have ever seen).  Many are forgotten.  Looked over.  Invisible.  It's more fun to focus on the brunch and the flowers and the gifts.

Today, 21 very special mommies will receive this little gift bag.

They aren't the mommies that I wanted to give them to.  I wanted the bags to go to Children's Hospital Los Angeles.  At the last minute, the family that was going to deliver them for me had a change of plans (their daughter's cancer appointment was moved back a week).  God clearly closed that door and opened another one.  My pediatricians colleague was going to Children's Hospital Orange County this weekend (the hospital that made a mistake...leading to Nate's death).  This is not my favorite place.  I have a hard time thinking about donating anything to this hospital.  But, it was clear that this was where the gift bags were supposed to go.  So...off they went.

With the help of a donation from Trader Joe's (love that place), I was able to make 15 gift bags.  I must also thank a very special person (S.M.) for buying the goodies to make 6 more.  It's 4 less than last year.  Not the direction that I was hoping for.  But God knows which 21 moms need a little extra love today.  I need to remind myself...it's not about the numbers.

Special hugs to all you mommies out there.  Whether your child lives on Earth or in Heaven I hope that today is blessed. XOXOXO


PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT ON THIS POST. 

in process

I made a choice to overcome the barriers preventing me from doing what my heart was telling me to do.  There are some very special mamas out there that need a tangible gift of love this Mother's Day.

Only one problem...the sweet family that is currently fighting to save their own daughter's life was planning on taking them up to Children's Hospital LA for me...TODAY.  Unfortunately, their appointment was moved to next week so I need to find another way to get them up to the hospital (65 miles north of here).

Will you please pray with me?  I know that God will find a way to get them to the mama's who need them.  But I also know that He likes it when we pray.


XOXO