love

So many things to say...so little time.

Summer was busy. Busier than any previous Summer that I can remember. I remind myself to be thankful for the business but I'm not able to get everything done that I want to.

One of those things is this blog. I am having trouble finding time to blog. When I am home and have free time, I want to sit and hold Brady. I can't believe that he is 9 months old and my time with him as a baby is almost done. So sad.

So, please forgive me if my posts are few and far between. Now that 4 of my kiddos are back in school it should get a little better.

 

 

 

One thing that I have been wanting to blog about for over a month is this awesome "love plaque" that I won from Mel at the Larson Lingo.  I love it! 

Love.
Love.
Love.

What was an added blessing to winning the giveaway was discovered when my gift arrived.  It was from a sweet baby loss mama named Denise at Kiss the Sky.  I couldn't believe it.  My heart just melts when I come in contact with another mama to a baby in Heaven and it just bursted with joy when I discovered about the name of her shop - "Kiss the Sky".  Oh, how I felt an instant connection to her.

Please check out her etsy shop and blog.  She creates amazing treasures.



http://victoryrd.blogspot.com/
http://www.etsy.com/shop/kisstheskyshop

Thank you again to both Denise and Mel.  I will always think of both of you every time I look at this plaque.





 

not ready for this...

Last year at this time I was completely filled with anxiety.  I mean filled.

 

To

the

top!

I was terrified that something would happen during my pregnancy.  I couldn't see the baby so I didn't know for sure that it was safe.  I kept thinking "I just want it out so I know that everything is okay".

Everything was okay.  God protected my sweet baby in my womb and during his birth.  The myriad of things that could have gone wrong didn't.  That restored my faith.  A lot.  In recent years I have struggled with feeling God's protection.  I have continued to have a close relationship with Him, but in all honesty, I haven't felt like His arms of protection were around me.  A lot of bad stuff has happened.

Now I am once again struggling with that faith.  Brady is crawling (and standing - yikes!).  He started crawling last month but I wouldn't let him.  I refused to put him on the ground where he could crawl and I scolded the rest of my family if they did.  I want to protect him.  I want to keep him safe. 

There are so many dangers that lie outside the safety of my arms.  Nate died while I was holding him.  I couldn't protect him.  I couldn't save him.  So I hold tightly to Brady.  I have struggled with letting him go.  In trusting God to protect my sweet baby.  Slowly, I am learning to let go...and letting God.

It's not easy.

I'm terrified.

I know what can happen.

But keeping him in my arms will hurt him.  I need to let him develop normally.  Ugh!  I've lost the innocence of life.  The excitement of watching my baby learn to crawl.  Everything is just so different now.



$1,442.75

Every year my kids attend Soccer for Hope. 

It's a soccer camp that is sponsored by my daughter's soccer club.  It was founded 14 years ago by one of the coaches that had brain cancer.  The focus of the camp is to help raise money for cancer kids at our local children's hospitals (the same 2 hospitals that Nate was at).  They have raised 1.4 million dollars already! 

In 2005, both of the founder's young children were diagnosed with the same rare cancer that he had.  In 2008, his 3 year old son died (just 2 months after Nate) and now his 9 year old daughter is going through chemotherapy for the second time as her cancer has returned. 

I hate seeing sick kids.  There is nothing worse.

My kids love going to this camp.  What they love most is the challenge of raising money to help these sick kids and find a cure for this horrific disease. 

For one week out of the summer, they send emails to family and friends (although it's a very limited list these days), go door to door requesting donations and walk the parks and soccer fields selling ice cold drinks and baked goods. 

They work hard. 
They have a purpose.

This year they raised a record $1,442.75 in only 4 days! 

That's $1,442.75 more to help find a cure and help pay for the treatment of kids that don't have insurance.  I just love that they do that. 

Wouldn't it be amazing if they could actually find a cure?  Oh, I pray that they do.

Check out soccerforhope.org for more information.

PS-  They got a visit from a member of the US Women's Gold Medal olympic team.  Amy visited the camp, signed autographs and let them hold her gold medal!  It was an experience that they will never forget.

Blue Sky Summer days

Every Summer seems to pass quicker than the previous.  The days used to be long and relaxing.  I used to wake up and think "what should we do today?"  No longer is that the case.  With 4 kids doing competitive sports, my days are decided for me.  Crazy busy sports schedules.  6-7 days a week!  It's insane.  Seriously.  But they love it and as I have been watching the Olympics, it has reminded me that part of my job as a mom is to help my kids achieve their dreams.  Not that my kids will ever be in the Olympics, but they sure are passionate about their sports.  So for now, I will gladly sacrifice my time and do creative budgeting so that we can pay for their lessons. 

I vividly remember 4 Summer's ago.  It was right after Nate died and we had nothing to do.  N O T H I N G.  The days were long.  So long.  And empty.  So empty.  Although on most days all I seem to do is drive kids to lessons, make meals and wash laundry, I am grateful that I have 5 kids that are keeping me busy.  I am grateful that they are healthy and active.  These are Blue Sky days.  I refuse to forget the perspective that I gained after Nate died. 

Here's a little peek into what we've been up to for Summer 2012:

Flyin' high

Kyla & Kaylee qualified to compete in the Junior Olympic National Championships for Trampoline & Tumbling last month.  They both amazed us and did awesome.  They finished in the top 10 of the best 50 kids in the entire US! 

 A fun night at the circus (had to play hooky from sports but well worth it).

 Performing at our local lake.

 A rare "free day".  We took advantage and spent the day at a local amusement park that the kids have been begging to go to for the past 3 years.

 A fun afternoon at the fair with the twins' gymnastics coach.

 Winning a soccer tournament

(sorry, no pics from the tournament that they lost 3 weeks before).

 Hanging out by the pool in the shade with his portable thrown.

 My swim buddy who absolutely LOVES the water.

Brothers. 

Vacation. 
Very short but very sweet. A much needed break from normal life.

We didn't travel far. We didn't stay long. 

We had to travel to the hot desert in August for a get away that fit into our very tight budget.
(You would never know that we were in the desert from this picture.  It looks like the tropics...but it wasn't).

But our vacation included a hotel with maid service. That's all I needed. I'm feeling much better now.

 A lazy river was all the kids needed.

Oh yah...and a water slide or 2.

"Is he your first"?

I get asked this question ALL of the time. 
I mean ALL OF THE TIME. 

I used to be the mother duck with 4 little ones following close behind.  But now that they are older, and have crazy sports schedules, they aren't with me very often when I am running errands.

But I always have this little one with me.

Always.

When I'm out, people are always asking me "is this your first"?  I am finding that I love being asked this question.  It gives me an opportunity to talk about Nate.  My sweet little boy that most in this world don't know about. 

I always answer "No, actually he is number 6.  We have 5 here and 1 in Heaven."  Those two sentences almost always catch people off guard.  Probably because there aren't too many people that talk about their children living in Heaven and because I can say it rather matter of factly now instead of whelming up with tears.  It's just a fact.  A fact of my life that my middle son lives in Heaven.  I don't like it.  I don't understand it.  But, it's my fact.

So, I enjoy my little errand outings with Brady and now I look forward to getting the opportunity to talk about Nathan.

The best day of the year...

Just wish that it was a little warmer here in Southern California (high of 73 today).  The sun didn't come out until 1pm -- gray skies are not my favorite.  Fireworks, bbq and ice cream are.

Brady finally has a room!

It took longer than I thought but it was worth the wait.  We finished his room just before he turned 6 months old a couple of weeks ago. 

I decided to make his room blue sailboats because Noah's nursery was blue sailboats and the layette that Nate is buried in is also blue sailboats.  It just seemed right to make Brady's room blue sailboats. 

I found his bedding on ebay and got a great deal on a brand new set from BabyGap (that was discontinued).   We sold our old cribs at a garage sale so we had to buy a new one for Brady.  This one is new and safe.  It was hard to find "natural" wood to match the old furniture that we had but it all worked out in the end.

I love that most of the items in his room are being re-used from the other kids.  The dressers and rocking chair were purchased 13 years ago for Shayna and all of the kids used them.  I bought new fabric and had a local mom recover the rocker (they were pink from the twins).  The curtain hardware was from Noah's nursery and I made the window valance (I think it came out awesome). 

The kids and I bought the sailboat just for Brady.  The 3 teddy bears were from the twins nursery, Noah's nursery and Nate's hospital stay (a special bear for heart patients).  Shayna made the whale for him in her home arts class this year.  She was so proud of herself and I think that it turned out awesome!  The frames were used in the nursery of both Noah's and the twins' and I put in special pictues of me & Brady. 

Here's a close-up of the special whale that Shayna made and one of my favorite newborn pics of Brady.

Sweet Jodi made Brady an awesome birth announcement pic like this one.  I framed it by my computer & made this one to fit into the wall frame that was from Noah's nursery.  I love, love, love this idea.  Thank you Jodi!

This armoire was used by all the other kids as well.  I'm glad that we saved it for Brady.  It's not the nicest furniture but it's so special that all of the kids got to use the same set.  The "beachy" decorations were given to Brady from Noah.  His room is "beachy" but he has lots of trophies on his dresser now so he was happy to share his decorations with Brady.  I especially love the blue butterfly...a gift from Christy.  It reminds me of Nate every single day.

Brady was hanging out in his crib while I took these photos.  He hasn't slept or taken a nap in there yet.  Mama is still too anxious and doesn't let him out of her sight.  But someday, he will sleep in this room.  For now, he loves getting diaper changes and being rocked in his rocker in there. 

So grateful that we were able to turn a very sad room into a happy room.  Even more grateful to have a nursery once again.  Savoring every moment since this is the last...