Care

Have friends & family sign up for "care" a week at a time the first few months.


Never abandon a friend -- either yours or your father's. Then in your time of need, you won't have to ask your relatives for assistance. It is better to go to a neighbor than to a relative who lives far away.

Proverbs 27:10


This is an idea that I think would have been really, really helpful. It's so hard to ask for help. And in the beginning, you don't even have a clue what to ask for. It's hard to see beyond the moment you are in. So, my suggestion is to get together and organize a group of friends & family members. Rotate so that someone is in charge of everything that the family needs for one week at a time. If you have 8 people, you only need to help out 1 week every two months so it's totally reasonable. That person should make sure that during their week, they talk to the family daily and ask them what would help them that day. They may not know what they need or like me may be uncomfortable asking for help but ASK ANYWAY!

If you're in close contact, you're much more likely to know what they need. At a minimum, they should make sure that they have a meal everyday but also visitors and tangible acts of love during the week. Have friends sign up to send cards on certain days or drop off a favorite dessert or drink once or twice a week. Coordinate times for people to visit and then follow up to make sure that they did in fact do it.


Why-

We were alone so much of the time. We were so weak and broken, it was hard to leave our house or ask for help. We received a lot of meals which was very helpful but after after the first couple weeks, we rarely received cards, emails or visitors. It takes a long time to heal and we found that support from others is the best way to make that happen. The days are so long when you are grieving. It's so helpful to receive a warm letter or be invited to meet a friend for coffee, or even sit and cry with someone that will listen. It's healing to feel cared for.

My best friend was really good at doing this. She spent a lot of time with me and knew what I needed, often times before I did. In the beginning, she would call or visit me daily. On my really tough days, she would come over or meet me at McDonald's so we could talk (and I could cry) while the kids could play. She would make sure that I had someone to watch the kids while we went to counseling. She would come with me when I had to go to an event that I was stressed about. She was more of a friend to me than I ever deserved. Without her, I don't know what I would have done. But it was hard on her. She wasn't able to get a break. There wasn't anyone else to help cover her. So, I think that it would be so helpful to have a team of people doing this.