Sadly, I don't have a lot to share. Last year was our first Christmas without Nate and I was so miserable that I didn't think much about honoring him or creating memories. I know that I didn't want to celebrate the season. I waited until mid-December to put up our tree and I only did minimal decorations. It was such a difficult month. There wasn't much JOY in our home.
I was really sad when we put up all our stockings because Nate's name wasn't there. I wanted to get him a stocking but I thought that was a crazy idea so I didn't tell my husband. Then another baby loss family told us about their stocking and that allowed me the permission to go out and get one for him. I don't know why I needed permission but I have never navigated this path and I didn't know right from wrong. It felt good to see his name hanging from our mantle with our other kids. Some days I stared at it. Other days I avoided looking because the pain was too deep. I liked seeing all our kids names together. One thing in our life was as it should be: all our kids had stockings hanging over the fireplace. We decided that we would each put messages in his stocking every year. I really like that tradition. It will be a good way to connect our family at Christmas.
This year I plan on buying Nate a special ornament (or 2...or 3). I didn't do that last year and I wish that I did. To be honest, I thought that we would receive some as gifts from friends and family...but we didn't. Actually, that's not true. We did receive one but it was from a family member that completely abandoned us so the gift was more bitter than sweet.
Not receiving any special gifts to remember and honor Nate was just one more disappointment. One more reason that Christmas was so hard. There was no tangible evidence that anyone was thinking of us or Nate. I let that crush me. So, this year I am going to take control and buy some for him. I'll let you know what I get. I'm actually looking forward to it.
I'm looking forward to reading about how everyone else is honoring their children. I am hoping to get some good ideas from all of you.
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Trisha, I love the idea of putting messages into Nathan's stocking and I actually might steal it. We buy our children an ornament every year to hang on the tree which then gets packed away for them when they leave home. I've been doing the same with Calvin and plan to hang onto his ornaments until I die and then have them divvied up between his sisters. I'm looking forward to reading other suggestions...Hugs
I have a stocking for Levi too that we plan on putting messages in each year. One of the women in my support group shared that it's what she does for her daughter and so we had my mom crochet one for us. Besides the stocking we didn't get any gift from anyone else connected to Levi either.
I love that we're sharing these ideas. Last year we got Matthew a stocking and on Christmas day we all put in messages of things we missed seeing or sharing with him. We had a baby blue candle going all day long. We got him an ornament or too, and will do the same this year. I'm wondering whether to always go with a moon and stars theme or whether to branching out to things that a one year old might be interested in. Hmmm...maybe I'll do both. We got a family ornament that included him too. I got an idea from support group to light a luminary on Christmas Eve or Christmas night...one luminary to represent each Christmas that he was gone. I loved seeing that shine out on our sidewalk. A few days before Christmas, we brought a gift to Children's Hospital to donate to a baby boy who had a heart complication. We included pajamas since we always get our girls new jammies to wear Christmas morning when opening presents. Of course, we didn't get to meet the family due to confidentiality, but it warmed my heart to drop it off. We plan on donating a gift for a one year old boy this year. Those are the things that I remember right now. I'll post again if I think of anything else.
Trisha, thank you for sharing.. Honestly, no one in my family remembered but i have some very amazing friends who gave us ornaments.. Christmas was VERY hard last year here too.. I will be praying for you to find the perfect ornament! You'll know it when you see it!
I love that Nate has a stocking. We really don't have 'family stockings' but I really want to get some. I'll be on the lookout for some I like. I like that you put messages in Nate's stocking. That is something I would like to do if I find some I like.
I hope that you can find some really nice ornaments for Nate. I'm sorry that no one did anything to remember Nate last year. I hope that this year at least one person will remember for you.
I love that you have a stocking for Nate. There are so many things that I didn't do because I thought they seemed crazy or would be hard for my family to understand. As I read the ways that other families include their babies in family traditions, there are many things I wish I would have done. And, I guess it's never too late to start. I am sorry that so many left you in your time of need. Many left us there, too. But, I am so grateful for those who had the courage and compassion to walk with us. Because, no family should walk this path alone. Reading all of your stories, your memories, from all different places on this walk...some fresh, some seasoned...I am reminded why we do what we do. I reminded of those moments when a mother's heart breaks alone in silence...when a family walks this path of "missing"...may they know that they don't have to walk alone.
I can't wait to see the ornament you choose for sweet Nate. Thank you for walking with us,Trisha.
May God continue to comfort you with His grace and peace this Christmas and in the coming year...
Remembering beautiful Nate with you...
Love,
Kelly
I really like the idea of putting messages in the stocking. I am looking at new stockings for all of the kids with their names on them. Personal Creations has some great selections....and not too expensive for those who have a 'few' to buy already ;)
I bought a 4ft tree and decorated the entire thing for chase. It was very bitter sweet. Putting the last ornament on it made me cry. I did it myself, though, and let the kids decorate our bigger tree. I needed to do it myself. My mom bought me an ornament called the candle of peace. It is a Hallmark Keepsake ornament and it really is exactly what I would have wanted if I had asked for it. I of course have bought a couple baby's first christmas ornaments and one with his name on it. And then I bought one in the mall with 6 bears on it, mamma, pappa and 4 kids and had it personalized with all our names.
I am with you, trying to make this special for all of us. It's hard becuase we all need something different out of this....and I'm not exactly sure what it is.
thinking of you,
christy
I am so sorry for your loss of Nate last year. Although I've never lost a child I see many who have gone through that difficult journey. I pray that they will offer you some comforting words. It's when we've walked a certain path that we can help others going through the same thing.
My heart does go out to you during this Christmas time. May the Lord bless you and comfort you.
Debbie
I am so sorry that you didnt receive any ornaments. I was very grateful to have received many from our family - that ranged to personal ones with Emma's name on it and other ones as well. I hope you can find one this year.
I love the notes in Nate's stocking. Although Christmas without Nate (and every other day as well) is difficult & you wish he was there I hope you are able to have some more Joy this Christmas season.
Thinking & praying dear!!!
Love Ang
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