Finding JOY at Christmas

How can these sweet faces not bring you JOY? 

I speak from my heart and I will tell you that Holiday's are always tough.  But this Christmas was much better than last years.  Last year, I felt like a deer in the headlights.  I didn't know what to do, how to act or where to go and we didn't have much help with direction.  Last year, life just seemed to go on around us...but didn't include us. 

This year, I felt like I had my feet under me.  I could plan and prepare much better.  The get together with extended family still rocked my boat but it rocked my husbands too.  It's very hard to be face to face with people that completely rejected you when you begged them (literally) to help you.  It makes you feel very insecure and very unloved. That healing is a process and the forgiveness does not come overnight (though I have prayed and prayed that it would).  Believe me, I am done with it and want to move on more than anything!

The only time that I cried was at the Christmas Eve service when our Pastor was talking about the birth of baby Jesus.  That took my head back to delivering Nate and I did shed a few tears.  But this was a huge improvement on last year.  I am grateful to be able to see how much I have healed and I am hoping that next year is even better.

We had a blast ice skating on Christmas Eve and then really enjoyed our time together as a family on Christmas.  Our day was simple but good.  Because our extended family has not been supportive, our immediate family has grown very close.  My husband always says that we had to "circle the wagons" around us to protect us from everyone else.  I'm glad that we did.  I never had a close family growing up so I'm very appreciative to have one now.  That is one of the blessings that has come from our tragedy.  That brings me JOY.