Be still and know that I am God
Psalm 46:10
What I am doing is not working for me. My life is not where I want it to be. I am not where I want to be. I feel stuck. I have tried everything that I know...without success. I am certain that there is something that God wants to teach me. Some lesson that I am supposed to learn. I don't believe that He will allow my life to move forward until I learn it. For months I've been begging and pleading with Him to let me know what it is. I can't fix it if I don't know what it is -- right?
My thoughts and actions of late have been consumed and motivated by things that I want: What relationships I want in my life...what I want my family to look like...how I can protect my kids. I've come to realize that they should be consumed and motivated by what God wants for my life. What relationships that He wants me to have... the family that He has planned for me... His protection over my kids.
He put me on this Earth for a reason. He has a plan for me. When I am consumed with myself, I am not focused on Him. That needs to change.
For the last couple of months, I have been spending time each and every day in The Bible. I thought that would be enough. I thought that if I spent time with God every day He would know that I am aligning my will with His. That He would know that I am trying.
I am not being honest with either Him or myself. Yes, I am trying -- there is no doubt about that. But it's only half-hearted. I haven't really allowed myself to fully let go. To release the control over my life that I think that I have...but I really don't.
I've been internally debating about how to approach my life. There are two thoughts on this.
- The first choice and the most comfortable way for me, is to take leaps of faith. To step off the edge and know that God is there to catch me. To ACT.
- The other thought that I am not comfortable with is that of waiting on the Lord. I've never been good at this doing this so I rarely do. I'm a type A control freak that wants to get somewhere...anywhere but where I am now. I always want to be moving forward in one way or another. Patience is a virtue that I'm not sure I have.
Upon reflection, this may be the lesson that God has been trying to teach me. To be STILL in the moment of life that I am in and KNOW that God is leading me. This is certainly not going to be easy for me. But this is what I am going to do. Wish me luck!!!!
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12 comments:
patience.
I am doing the same thing. Begging HIM to just tell me what I am supposed to be doing because this still doesn't make any sense to me.
I know I haven't fully let go either. I'm still hanging on to some of my control. I know that He would do a lot better than me with my life but I guess it's hard to let that control go when there are so many things I couldn't control with Carleigh. I'm learning with you to let go and let God!
I wish you Faith...all things in His time.
I will pray deeply and often.
I too have struggled with this, trusting doesnt come easy. Take that leap with me and beleive in the Lord whole heartly as i am trying so hard to do. xxx
Oh yes! I too struggle with this - all of us probably struggle with this to some degree I suppose. We all just have different forms..(mine comes in the form of training my children on how to behave, the fact that I will begin homeschooling in August, trying to make our marriage stronger than ever before, my future, my past and everything in between..sigh) My head races and yet I know that God still wants for me to be STILL and wait on Him...why is this so hard???
Praying for u and thinking of your precious family daily!
God bless.
It IS a leap. A big leap...no words of wisdome from me, just comfort in knowing I, too, have these struggles. you are not alone...
<3
I think it is harder to trust when somewhere some way there may be the feeling of being let down by God.. or at least, that's MY issue. I KNOW God loves us and holds us up but it's still been very hard to let go since losing Seth.
Hang in there, you're not the only one God's trying to teach lessons to (and similar ones at that).
It's so easy to get stuck - to go through a dry spell - to feel we're waiting for ... something. I think the answer is to absorb ourselves in the simple things and not demand or require more.
What I like to do when I feel like that is remind myself where I could be. The routine, mundane life is actually a blessing! :)
I think that a momma's life is one that is very prone to dry spells because we are so caught up in mothering and it's tiring work! But, if we can slow ourselves down and fully absorb ourselves into that mothering and in being a joyful wife, those dry spells usually go away. God wants to minister to our hearts, but I think he often waits until we are content with our circumstances.
I'm not accusing you of anything - I've been in the same place many many times - in fact, I just came out of one of those places myself.. I'm just hoping to encourage you my friend.
Love,
Lynnette
What a great lesson and goal. I will pray for you on this journey. God will walk with you, or sit with you. He knows your pain. Praying for you, this is so hard.
Trisha,
I found your blog because of Blogfrog, and I'm glad I did. I really like your honesty. I have enjoyed perusing it.
And, yes, I would have to agree with so many of the above answers. God will show you in His time.
Stillness is often a struggle for me...as well as letting go of my so-called "control". Our God is a faithful and patient teacher. And He longs to minister to our hearts as we wait on Him.
Praying for you in the stillness...
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