March is a bittersweet month for us. It is Nate's birthday (March 5th) but it is also his death day (March 30th). The memories of his presence during those 25 days are special and yet very painful.
As we are approaching "the month" I am noticing that our kids are talking more about him. I am at a point that I am able to manage my grief pretty well but I worry about managing theirs. Here's a few of the comments that I have received this past week:
Kyla (5)
"Mommy, Mommy I just woke up and I had a dream last night that I got to ride in a hot air balloon up to heaven. I visited Nathan and I got to see him. I want to take another hot air balloon ride. That's what I want to do for my birthday. I want to take my friends in a hot air balloon up to Heaven so that we can see Nathan".
Noah (7)
"Mom...do you think that if you have another baby it will be a boy"? (I replied, I don't know honey that's up to God and not me). "Don't you think that God knows how much I want a brother and how sad I was when Nathan died? I think that God's going to give us another baby boy."
a few days later (from a boy that didn't talk about it at all after Nate died)...
"Mom...I think that God is going to send Nathan back to us but we're just going to call him a different name. I remember that I was so excited when you told me that I had a baby brother. I was jumping up and down. And then I remember that day when you took us into THAT ROOM and told us that Nathan had died. I was very sad. So, I think that God is going to give him back to us."
Shayna (11)
No words but my happy straight A honors student has been a mess of emotions. In the last 2 weeks since all of the "soccer drama" started and as March approaches, her A's have dropped to B's and C's, she is stressed out and I have witnessed many tears.
Kaylee (5)
"Momma if we have another baby I want to feed him...okay. It's not fair because I never got to hold Nathan and I really want a baby to hold".
As a family, we are doing really well. I worry that the impending month will change that. I am starting to feel some anxiety about dealing with our memories and our emotions. I know that I have been asking for a lot of prayer lately. That's really not like me at all. Perhaps that is because I am allowing myself to be weak so that God can work through me (I hope that's the case). But, I would appreciate it if you could hold my family up in prayer for the next few weeks as we tackle the month of March.
WEDNESDAY HODGEPODGE #663
2 days ago
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13 comments:
I hope your family is able to get through this next month alright. I hope God surrounds each of you with an unspeakable peace. I'm sorry you are having to manage your grief as well as your childrens...
You family has been and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings,
Danielle
Sure wish we could be there with you guys, especially during this month. Praying for you, as always...
HI Trisha
I am so glad that I came found your blog ,my situation is a little different from yours, yet very simalair.
I have two boys who have special needs, and they use to be the centre of attention in our family. We are a large but close family or so I thought!
Since all my cousins started having their own babies, my boys have started taking a back seat.All the auties and uncles who use to lavish them with love and visit's, now have there own granchild and it seems as if my boy's no longer exhists.Promises are made to them that are not kept, they are cobstantly dissapointed and forgotten.
I know exactly how you feel about what happened with your family, and it hurts a lot.
Although I can deal with it beter it is terrible to see how it affects my boy's.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Absolutely, I will pray for your family. I love the way their minds work. I will say extra prayers for Shayna.
Trisha, I will hold your family in prayer.
((hugs)) thinking of you and your family as Nate's birthday and angeliversary approaches.
I will certainly keep all of you in my prayers as you face this next month.
Hugs,
Rachel
I am praying that you and your family get through the next month. It is a good thing that your children are recognizing their little brother. It's part of the healing process. May God guide you and your lovely family in these trying times.
I am Jodi's Mom, and you have always been in my prayers.
God Bless your beautiful family.
I know that the next month will seem out of sorts. Just allow yourself to feel the waves. I will pray for you and your family. Maybe plan for something special on those days.
Hugs, March will be a hard month for us as well. I will be keeping your family in my thoughts.
Oh, Trisha...my mama-heart is just breaking with you as I read the words spoken by your sweet children. That was one of the hardest parts of losing our babies for me...past dealing with my own grief, the grief of my son just tore at my heart. It was so hard to see him hurting, and to not be able to make it better. So much heartache at such a young age. I do know that just as the Lord comforts us, meeting us where we are, and making beauty from ashes in our lives...He also does all of that for our children. He is faithful and able. I know that doesn't make it hurt any less to see their pain from your mommy-eyes. Letting them feel safe to grieve and share, which it shows that you absolutely have done is the best thing you can do. Love and pray them through...as I'm sure you are. Praying for all of you as you continue to find your way on this path...and as the upcoming anniversaries draw near.
Trish--We are dealing with our pain and then we are dealing with the pain of our kids for losing a sibling. As mothers we have to grieve the loss of our child and then as mothers we hurt because our kids are hurting too and no one wants to watch their children suffer like this. I am so sorry you all are going through this. You have such sweet, sweet kids and it's painful to witness them grieve. I know they feel loved and could not ask for more from you and your husband. You are wonderful parents. I wish someone could make it better but these are the cards we are dealt. Sending you hugs and prayers and much much love.
xoxo
I'll be keeping you in prayer, Trisha. It'll be a tough month for you all and I pray that God holds you all close.
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