For the past year or so, my husband and I have been choosing to take the "easy" road. In the beginning, we tried to push ourselves into relationships and situations... it wasn't working. We were trying to force others to help us and we didn't understand why they didn't. These attempts prevented us from healing and we found ourselves sinking down deeper in our grief. It literally felt like people were pushing us under water and preventing us from getting up. We needed to take a step back. We looked at the fork in the road and chose the "easy" road. The easy road was an important part of our healing. It allowed us to focus on our family without being hurt over and over by others. It was a good road for us.
Our grief counselor informed us that it's very normal for people to walk away from those that have experienced a tragedy. There are many reasons why they do this. However, he told us that many of them will check back in between the 2-3 year mark. For some, it's a realization of their wrongs. Their attempts to rationalize their actions are no longer believable and they feel a need to rectify their behavior. For others, it's the hope that we are "better" now. That the storm has passed and we can return to the relationship that we had previously.
Whatever the reason, it puts us into a difficult position. An uncomfortable position. A lot of time has passed. A lot of things are changed. It's like when a couple is dating and breaks up. They try to be "just friends" but it doesn't work. Once you have a close, intimate relationship with someone it's difficult to go backward.
I am finding that I am facing a fork in the road. This is uncomfortable for me. I want to stay on the easy road. The road that I have found comfort in. The road that has allowed me to heal. I don't know if I want to take the other road. There are a lot of bumps in that road. There are a lot of pitfalls in that road. There are a lot of unknowns in that road.
God is showing me that when I am weak, He is strong. I need to trust in Him and go down the difficult road. It's not easy.
WEDNESDAY HODGEPODGE #663
2 days ago
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8 comments:
Very Well Said Trisha. :-) Staci
You should do what you feel is right for you and your family.
I am really hurt by the lack of help I have had as well. Those relationships will never be the same. It's sad to say but my only concern now is my husband and my son. I wish I knew why people just turn away when it comes to the loss of a child. It is so hurtful. My family has had another big loss recently and the support has been COMPLETELY different. My husband and I don't want to be resentful but it is so hard to not compare it. It really makes me upset.
God is going continue to walk with you every step of the way especially on those darkest of days no matter what road you take. I pray that HE is gentle with your heart. ((HUGS))
I know it won't be easy but I know that God will guide you in the direction He feels that you should go. Praying for Him to guide you!
I know this part is not easy.....it has caused us, to some extent, to lose faith in friendships. I have chosen to stay on the path and not look back. Looking back only hurts worse and I have enough pain that I live with every day, I don't need to add to it by thinking about those old relationships. We find what is important to us and stick with it. I'm not as far along on this journey as you so I don't know much what to say for you. I just hope and pray people treat you well and you don't get hurt. You deserve that.
hugs,
christy
I get stuck at the crossroads, part of me thinks ok forgive and forget and the other part thinks no, where were they when i needed the? Also i know that for those that stayed away i have realised that maybe they werent the friends i thought they were. I need people i can count on in my life, not fair weather friends. Its so hard copying i dont want to have to play nice it takes to much energy from me. if this makes me a bad person sorry i just have to survive xxx
It doesn't seem right that people would stay away for 3 years and then come back to join you like nothing ever happened. I don't think I would want to take that road back at this point either. You can't just let things go, they need to explain but it's been so long that you don't want to go back there. I get that. Do you have to go back and let them in?
I loved what you wrote - as well as the comments you have received. It seems like those of us in this 'boat' know exactly what you are talking about - we know how it feels when family and friends abandon you at the darkest moments in life, we know how hard it is to forgive and never be able to forget, we know how hard it is to take a new direction when you finally seem comfortable with where you are at...its so confusing at times, so frustrating, so lonely and yet through it all God is there. He will never ever leave us (even when the rest of the world walks out), He will never lead us in the wrong direction (even when our hearts try to take us there), He will never stop loving us (even when friends do). Thank you for sharing your heart - it truly helps to know that we aren't the only ones on this path - with two different directions staring us in the face. God bless you and your precious family!
Hugs!
Kelly
wow, this is beautiful and i can relate to so much of it. thank you for sharing....
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