I was wrong

I have been so caught up in my attempt to find "happy" that I didn't even realize that I was on the wrong path...again.  I know the path that I want but man-o-man it's hard to find. 

I used to be happy so that's where I was trying to get back to.  But I didn't take into consideration all of the things that are different now.  My son died, the majority of my friends left, most of our family abandoned us and my kids are growing up with the realization that life is hard and bad things happen.  How could I ever expect to get to a place that doesn't exist for me anymore?

Part of me wants to go back to the simple life where my biggest issue was that someone would stop by when my house was messy or that I would forget to wake up and my kids would be late for school.  Part of me longs for that silly stuff.  But, I am different now.  Sure, those things still bother me (I am type A) but I have much bigger issues to deal with.  I have to hold my daughter after she has a nightmare that we killed her because she couldn't save Nate.  I have to comfort my crying twins when they ask why their brother died and why God won't give us another baby.  I have to tell my kids that it's okay that most of our friends and family don't talk to us anymore and pretend like it doesn't bother me.  I have to wake up everyday and do all the things that I used to do:  make breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday, clean, shop, do endless loads of laundry, take kids to school, help them with homework, take them to soccer, gymnastics and baseball, teach them about God, and be a wife to my husband eventhough I had to bury my son.  I know that I will never go back to my old "happy" again but that's the only life that I knew so that's the only path that I know.


Some of my blog followers have been telling me to "choose JOY".  Those comments always struck me but I didn't know why.  This week, I was reading a devotional about joy. 

Joy ~ Let’s explore this enchanting subject, shall we? Joy is at the heart of God Himself, and it is part of God’s plan for human beings. That said, I think the subject defies a specific definition, though I love this: “Joy is a choice. It is a matter of attitude that stems from one’s confidence in God—that He is at work, that He is in full control, that He is in the midst of whatever has happened, is happening, and will happen.” Laugh Again, Chuck Swindoll


My observations on joy ~> it is not about personality or temperament- I’ve heard people say, ‘Oh, it’s easy for you—it’s just your personality, you’re just bubbly-‘ No!


~>joy must be experienced in the moment … not tomorrow~ “This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118.24 ‘Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy.’ Sarah Ban Breathnach



~>joy is not dependent on circumstances, despite what we think!


Consider with me these Scriptures: “The joy of the Lord is my strength.” Nehemiah 8.10. Jesus said, “I have told you this so that my joy will be in you and that your joy may be complete.” John 15.11 What did He tell them? “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” John 15.9,10 How do we remain in His love? Obedience to God’s Word, and letting the Spirit lead us; after all, the nine gifts of the Spirit all find a home in Jesus!


You know, Oprah runs the topic of happiness in her magazine, with great colorful photo spreads, but do not be confused, joy is so much greater than happiness, as happiness is fleeting. I love what the old preacher, Charles Spurgeon, had to say—“That word joyful is a very sweet and clear one. Happiness is a very dainty word, but yet it is somewhat insecure because it begins with a ‘hap,’ and seems to depend on a chance which may happen to the soul. We say “happy-go-lucky,” and that is very much the world’s happiness. It is a kind of thing that may hap and may not hap. But there is no hap in the fruit of the Spirit that is joy. When we are joyful or full of joy, and that of the best kind, we are favored indeed. No man takes this joy from us, and a stranger intermeddles not within it. It is a celestial fruit, and earth cannot produce its like.”



Oh, there is so much we can say, precious friends, about joy…true joy!


I realized that JOY is the path that I want. JOYFUL is where I want to be. HAPPY is superficial. HAPPY is not God. JOY is longlasting. JOY is where God is.