Bitter or Better

This morning at church the topic was "Transformation Through Pain". I sat back and thought hmmm...this should be interesting. Our pastor talked about how everyone has pain in their lives (though he hasn't lost a child and probably doesn't truly understand what a different pain that is). He talked about how God uses that pain to transform us. It's our choice whether we decide to be transformed into a BITTER person or a BETTER person.

Acts 14:22 "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God." This stinks but it is true. Our life on Earth was never promised to be easy. We will face challenges and adversities. We will cry and we will grieve. Sadly, some more than others. Sadly, my hardship was my worst nightmare. The one thing in life that I hoped and prayed would never happen to me -- I had to bury my child. What other hardship could possibly be worse than that... except to have to do it more than once.


There were so many verses that just jumped out at me today. So many that I have embraced and so many more that I have struggled with. The message talked about how it's okay to wrestle with God when your life is turned upside down. When I thought about that I realized that wrestling really is the best way for your relationship to get stronger. That's what athletes do. They physically push themselves beyond what they think that they can handle. Their coaches know that their bodies are stronger than they think so they challenge them with pain, sweat and tears until their bodies are able to perform at their highest capabilities. I know that this is what God is doing to me. I know that God will always be stronger than me. I know that I can never "beat" Him. But, I also know that by wrestling with Him, I will gain strength and endurance. Most of all, I will gain compassion for I KNOW how much work and how much pain the process was.

2Cor 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

I am choosing to come out of this process a BETTER person and not a BITTER person. I am choosing to use my experience to help others walk this horrific path. I am choosing to grow closer to God. I am choosing to teach my kids that you have to RUN TO someone that is hurting and NOT FROM them (this is currently being practiced with my daughter's friend, Katie). I am choosing to be happy with the blessings that I have and not to be consumed with what I have lost.

*** As a side note, I just want to clarify something about my post yesterday in regards to the funeral. I do think that my in-laws were trying to be kind and helpful. I do not think that they had ill intent. I just think that they are clueless. And I find it hard to be around clueless people that I have to explain and defend myself to.