happiest place on earth?

Today, I took my kids to Disneyland for a few hours. We live only 25 minutes away and have annual passes so we are frequent visitors. We've been trying to stay busy this week since my husband has been spending all day, every day with his dad. I thought that this would be a good distraction for all of us.

Disney Corporation markets Disneyland as "the happiest place on earth". I agree for the most part. It is pretty happy. But while we were at "the happiest place on earth", my husband called to say that his dad had "checked out". I suddenly had a new perspective. The words that he chose were actually pretty profound. In reality, his dad checked out of this life and he's the one that checked into "the happiest place on earth -- Heaven".

Even Disneyland can't compare to Heaven. It's hard to imagine what it's like there. I think about it a lot now that it's the place where my son lives. I wish that I knew more about it. I wish that I could see what it was like. I wish that I could have a glimpse of Nate. I wish that I could visit just for a moment. But, that's where faith comes in. If we could see all of that...we wouldn't need faith.

I do know that I am sad, angry and jealous. It's not fair that my father-in-law gets to be with Nate and I don't. I'm really having a hard time with that one. He's my son and I should be the one that knows everything about him. And yet, I know nothing.

I'm anticipating this week to be tough. I have a lot of anxiety about the funeral and about seeing his family for the first time. It will be good when it's over.

By the way, if you haven't left a comment on my post "Please pray for Katie", please do so. I really want to fill it up so that I can send it to her parents. I know how much it helped us when we were fighting for Nate's life to hear that people all over the country were praying for him. I just want to do the same for them.